did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
