I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
