He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
soo... how was my night?
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