i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
