that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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