You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
