I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
