I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
