my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
