I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wish my penis had a tongue
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you didnt know i had herpes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
