end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
