i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
