so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
