If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
