just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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