Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
