i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
