You don't have asthma, your pregnant
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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