Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
