So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
