Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
