Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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