Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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