Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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