I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize