I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
