toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
