What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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