yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
