somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
