I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
