i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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