I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
