i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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