Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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