I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
