Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
