Sry I called you an 8
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
