I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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