loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
