Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize