using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
