i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
