My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
