I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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