paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
