Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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