Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
