Your mouth is God's brothel.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
