Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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