I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's always time for handjobs
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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