Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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