Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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