We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
