That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
