Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My day in three words: secret purse cake
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
