the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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