at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
