We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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