I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
