Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
