Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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