I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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