That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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