oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
