Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
