i think my tv is drunk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
