i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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