He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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