Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
