he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
