nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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