Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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