Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
