i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
