you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You just made me feel so damn special
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
