I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
