Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
