I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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