This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
