Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
