we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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