I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
