Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize