Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
