You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
