Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm bleeding and have questions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
