I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
