Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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