he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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