I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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