A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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