took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
