I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
