You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sext me about skeletons
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize