Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
